Telling the Kids
Your children will remember this conversation for the rest of their lives. Here's how to get it right.
Telling the Kids is a therapist-written guide to the hardest conversation of your divorce — what to say at every age, word for word, the questions your children will ask, and how to protect them in the weeks and years that follow.
No one teaches you how to say this.
You've made the hardest decision of your adult life. Now comes the part that scares you more: saying it out loud to your children.
So parents wait. They wait for the right words, the right moment, the right amount of courage — and the waiting itself does damage. Kids sense the tension. They fill the silence with self-blame and imagined scenarios worse than the truth.
And when the conversation finally happens unplanned — blurted in a car, overheard in an argument, delivered by one parent alone — children remember. Ask an adult to describe the day they learned their parents were divorcing, and decades later they can tell you the room, the time of day, who spoke first.
I know, because I'm one of them. And after twenty years as a family therapist, I can tell you what I've learned from both chairs: you cannot make this conversation painless. But you can make it one your children can carry.
Clarity is protection.
Telling the Kids is a plan for the moment and the years after it. It gives you the structure that painful conversations are often missing. It's the same framework I use with parents in my practice — organized into a private, self-paced workbook for to you complete. Inside, you'll find:
The five things every child needs to hear. The messages that must be true when you leave the room — including the two almost no parent thinks to say.
What to say, at every age — word for word. Scripts and guidance for ages 2–5, 6–11, and 12 and up: what each age understands, what they'll ask, what their behavior will tell you, and the exact sentences that help. Not theory — the actual words.
The questions kids ask. Seven questions — including the ones children only ask silently — each decoded ("what they're really asking") and answered with language you can use that night.
Before you say a word. The preparation that determines how it goes: timing, the united message, the concrete details that turn a child's anxiety into safety, and how to hold your own feelings in the room.
After the conversation. What's normal turbulence, what's a signal to get help, and how to keep the door open for the weeks of processing ahead.
A parent's pledge. Ten commitments for the years after the conversation — the promises that keep every message you said true. It's the page many parents tell me they print and sign.
Your children will remember this conversation for the rest of their lives.
That's not pressure — that's an opportunity.
For every version of this conversation.
Whether the divorce was your decision, your spouse's, or truly mutual — whether your children are toddlers, teenagers, or both — this guide meets you there. The scripts flex by age. The guidance holds whether you'll say it together or, when that isn't possible, alone.
It will not make the conversation easy.
It will make sure your children leave it feeling the three things that matter: safe, loved, and not responsible.
Written from both chairs.
Dr. Nari Jeter is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Gottman-certified clinician with over twenty years of experience helping couples and families through their hardest seasons. Her work has been featured in Newsweek, USA Today, SELF, and HuffPost.
She is also a child of multiple divorces —
and can still tell you when, where, and
how she was told, each time.
She wrote this guide twice:
once as the therapist, once as the kid.
FAQs: Questions parents ask before buying
How is this different from advice I can find online?
Free articles tell you the principles — be honest, don't blame, reassure them. This guide gives you the execution: the actual scripts by age, the answers to specific questions, the preparation worksheets, and the aftercare plan. It's the difference between "drive carefully" and a map.
My kids are different ages. Does this still work?
Especially then. The guide covers how to tell all your children together first — so no one carries a secret — and then how to follow up with each child in language that fits their age, with separate guidance for 2–5, 6–11, and 12+.
What if my spouse won't do this with me?
The guide is built for together and adapted for alone. Every preparation section works for one parent, and the parent's pledge is deliberately written in "I" — every commitment is one you can keep regardless of what your co-parent does.
We haven't fully decided to divorce yet. Is this premature?
If you're separating rather than divorcing, start with this guide's companion, The Separation Agreement, which includes how to communicate a separation to children. Telling the Kids is for when the decision is made.
Is this a substitute for therapy?
No. It's an educational tool written by a therapist, and it includes clear guidance on when a child (or parent) needs professional support — and what to do if your family situation involves conflict or safety concerns that change the advice.
What's your refund policy?
It's an instant digital download, so all sales are final. If you have any trouble accessing your file, email nari@drnarijeter.com and we'll fix it.
They will remember this conversation. Make it one that holds them.
They will remember this conversation. Make it one that holds them.You can't choose whether your children carry this moment. You can choose what they carry: a memory of two parents who were prepared, calm, and clear that nothing about the love was ending.
The words exist. They're in this guide. Say them well.